Two Jerks Talk About: The Atari legend is real!!

Today the old urban myth about thousands of copies of Atari's most humiliating game E.T. being buried in a landfill in New Mexico was proven to be true. We also go over some of the new games that just launched or are coming out.

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Two Jerks Talk About: What a weird week of news we have

We've got an odd list of news for this episode including a naked woman destroying McDonalds, US Airways changes the game in responding to customers on social media, and an extended and in depth chat regarding the Amanda Todd suicide and her bully being arrested finally.

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Show news, Kevin gets injured and iOS updates.

Well we intended on getting some recording done over the weekend but there was an unexpected delay so we'll be catching up over the week.

Kevin apparently decided to try a new career choice as an NFL field goal kicker and elected to practice using a rather large subwoofer box.  This obviously did not result as initially intended, so now he has two toenails all fucked up.

(Taken when we went to smoke immediately after.)

So he was obviously in a somewhat shitty mood.  My entertainment in this was later ruined when I made the mistake of looking at the toes when he was cleaning and wrapping them.  THEY WERE POINTING IN THE WRONG FUCKING DIRECTION!!!!  I'M FUCKING SCARRED FROM THIS!!!

No, I'm not being dramatic.  It was rather fucked.   Despite this we'll get caught up and record here and there through the week.

Also, I'm going to be working on getting the show on iTunes to make it easier on the Apple users.  From what I understand the iOS browser isn't fond of just downloading an audio file to the device so it instead tries to just stream it.  If you're on a not so fast connection at the time this can lead to a lot of pauses and buffering.  I hope to have an update on this very soon.

Two Jerks Talk About: The weekly news and much hilarity

Nick talks about his last minute plans if he ever ends up in a guaranteed death situation.  Starbucks is serving Satanic coffee.  And we still can't figure out how you lose an airplane!

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Two Jerks Talk About: The NFL returns soon and it's WrestleMania weekend!

Image property of WWE

This episode covers some thoughts on the upcoming NFL season as our joy for WrestleMania weekend.

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Two Jerks Talk About: The introduction of the new show

We're finally back and recording more shows for you guys.  New show, new format, and new name!  In this episode we go over the changes we've made and what to expect.

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Ultimate Warrior - A Eulogy From A Fan

I came to work this morning with the intent of finishing my reviews from yesterdays releases, and then I opened Twitter. The Ultimate Warrior has died. The first thought is of course "Holy shit, he was just on RAW Monday". Then the memory of the actual promo rings true. Warriors music hits to a great pop. He walks out onto the stage. There's no makeup. There's no running. There's barely a rope shake. He looks tired. After acknowledging the crowd, he pulls out a paper Warrior mask, puts it on, and says:

“No WWE talent becomes a legend on their own. Every man’s heart one day beats its final beat. His lungs breathe their final breath. And if what that man did in his life what makes the blood pulse through the body of others and makes them bleed deeper and something larger than life then his essence, his spirit, will be immortalized. By the story tellers, by the loyalty, by the memory of those who honor him and make the running the man did live forever. You, you, you, you, you, you are the legend makers of Ultimate Warrior. In the back I see many potential legends. Some of them with warrior spirits. And you will do the same for them. You will decide if they lived with the passion and intensity. So much so that you will tell your stories and you will make them legends, as well. I am The Ultimate Warrior. You are the Ultimate Warrior fans and the spirit of Ultimate Warrior will run forever.”

He knew. Taking into consideration that absolutely nothing has been confirmed about the events surrounding his death, the events that led up to it are telling a very believable story.  It truly reads like the Warrior knew that he was in trouble with his health and reached out to the WWE to make amends not only to the company, but to individuals as well. The company responded by inducting him into the hall of fame and giving him his own commercial for the new WWE video game (in opposite order of course). He came to the ceremony, accepted the induction, spoke and made right with old rivals, and came to RAW on Monday to say goodbye. You could tell it was hard for him to speak on RAW, so he got into character. Then he was at peace. Then he was able to let go. Having said all of that, it could still be something that happened suddenly, but it's a beautiful story even if it's only half true. It is a story of a conflicted man being able to make amends and be honored hours before his body let him go.

Anytime someone passes, they leave people behind. In this case, a wife and two daughters. As a father and a son, I cannot begin to understand what it is like to lose and grieve a loved one in such a public light. My heart is with you. Truly. To his daughters, many people will tell you to be strong or brave, and that is always easier said than done. Lean on each other. Rely on each other. Find inspiration and joy in whatever you can, and never let tears make you feel weak or afraid. Most importantly, speak your heart. Speak even when you feel it might not be the time or place. It is always the time and place to speak happiness, anger, or grief.

My Warrior story is a distant one. I did not know him. I never met him. However, his legacy holds a very special place in my memory. My father was in the Air Force and when I was 9 we were stationed at Torrejon Air Base in Madrid, Spain. In the late 80s there weren't 200 channels on television to choose from. I don't remember there being even a quarter of that. However, when we arrived in Spain, we found there was one channel. One English speaking channel run from the Air Force base that would work on our NTSC televisions. All of the programming on television and the movies we could go see in theaters were painfully behind US release dates. We got to see the premiere of the Simpsons when the show was well into its second season in the states. On Sunday afternoons, the channel would air WWF wrestling, so naturally I started watching. I don't remember how far behind the wrestling was from the states, but I didn't care. Hogan, Savage, Piper, The Rockers. I was addicted. Demolition and the Road Warriors were favorites, but The Ultimate Warrior was THE MAN. My friends and I would all gather outside and play wrestle, and I was always the Warrior.

In the late months of 1990, Iraq had invaded Kuwait and the US eventually sent troops into surrounding areas. They referred to the troop deployment as Desert Shield. The Air Force setup a hanger on the base with cots, a television, a snack counter, and a little shop for the troops coming from the US to rest before heading to the middle east. My mother was always an avid volunteer and several times took my older sister and I to volunteer at the snack counter in the hanger. We would stay all night and pass out snacks and drinks to the troops on their way in and out. My sister and I would play cards or board games with the troops. I was always someone's "little brother". On Thanksgiving day 1990, my father was out of town for "stuff" or "training", I don't remember which. My mom asked my sister and I if we'd like to go to the hanger to volunteer for Thanksgiving. We were on board, so we drove the near hour from off-base housing to the base. We were there for a couple hours before I looked over at the TV and saw the opening credits for Survivor Series, and I promptly lost my mind. We didn't get to see pay per views, except on video. If I'm not mistaken SS90 was the first PPV that WWE supplied to military television for free, and I was in the right place for it. I'm sure I almost tackled my mother and begged her to let me go watch it. She said I could if the troops already at the television didn't mind. The television was an old projection style big screen surrounded by rows of at least 25 plus plastic chairs. I ran over to the two guys sitting there and asked if I could watch wrestling. They said sure and got up and left, so it was just me and a giant TV just as Warriors entrance music hit. By the end of the first match, there were 10 troops sitting with me. By the middle of the second match there were twenty. By the end of the second match there were troops standing behind the rows of chairs because they had all been filled. The TV was on full blast. I got to watch Survivor Series with 30+ screaming troops. We yelled at the TV, we booed Sgt Slaughter, we cheered Hogan, we pushed and shoved, and we all had an absolute blast. I got to see Demolition, Road Warriors, the debut of the Undertaker, and The Ultimate Warrior twice in one night with complete strangers who became my instant best friends. After the show, the troops went about their business and I passed out on a cot behind the snack bar. I never saw any of those guys again, but that memory has been one of my favorite things since. The first thing I did when I signed up for the WWE Network was watch SS90. I had the most fun in that three hours. I got to experience something that no one else has. All because I wanted to see The Ultimate Warrior.

Warrior was the personification of pure energy. His music, his entrance, his promos, and his entire presence screamed power and energy. I loved him as a kid, and I mean loved. I'm still a fan today. Rest in peace Warrior. You will be missed.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: From Hell - Ascent From Hell

Hey, that's a lot of hell. I'm going to be thoroughly disappointed if this isn't fusion disco.

From Hell - Ascent From Hell

Track 1 - Standing At The Mouth Of Hell

How many times are they going to us "hell"? Fucking hell! Shit, now I'm doing it.

" RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Decent enough way to start an album off. Either this song is going nowhere very slowly or this is the longest dumb intro ever. God.......damn........it........hurry.......the..........fuck.........up.

Track 2 - The Walking Dead

Ohh! Zombies are from hell right???? THEMES!!

Slow beat. Constant bass drum. Amon Amarth style riff if they were smoking meth. This is definitely blackened death, but it also completely fucking sucks and is ALMOST as boring as watching a fly fuck drying paint.

Not a fan. I'll just listen to Grave. Or Amon Amarth. Or Lady Gaga douche with a birthday party balloon filled with thumb tacks.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Ferium - Reflections

Never heard them. Looked them up. Metal band from Israel? Sure! I'll give them an honest go.

Ferium - Reflections

Track 1 - By The Book

Jugga junn junn junn. Jugga junn junn junn junn.

Ugh. Look, I appreciate these guys doing what they do, but I can't not be totally not dishonest. 

Take Lamb Of God and slather them in brown gravy. Now add in Disfiguring The Goddess or whatever stupid slam band you pick and slice them from neck to groin. Then add a sprinkle of every goddamn deathcore band you've ever heard ground up chunks. Stir in a healthy dose of the jizz of Meshuggah laced with babies tears. Finally, lock all of these ingredients in a room with 4 starved and rabid wolverines but injected with a heavy sedative. Record the sounds. It's gonna be slow. It's gonna be painful. Let's call it........Ferium. Now stick a dragon on the album cover just to fuck with people. Now if that recipe sounds good to you, then GET THIS ALBUM! Oh, and go fuck yourself.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Erebus Enthroned - Temple Under Hell

This was' t on Play Music, so I had to go searching. In my search for a track to review I learned that these gents are black metal.......from Australia. Hey, I ain't judging (I'm always judging). Found the title track on the yoodilytube, so let us sacrifice a dingo to Satan!

Erebus Enthroned - Temple Under Hell

Track - The Temple Under Hell

Unholy ball sweat! This song is 9 minutes long. Yup. That's black metal. Blacker than the blackest black that ever blacked on the black while blacking a black in the black for blackened blackitude. It's pretty old school. I appreciate what these guys are doing. This makes me want to throw on Panzer Division Marduk, which is a very fucking good thing.

BLACK!!!!!!

-K @MrBrutal

First Track Review: Diabulus In Musica - Argia

More female fronted symphonic metal? Alright. Better than having to sit through 15 deathcore reviews. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I hate deathcore. Anyway, these humans hail from Spain! I lived in Spain for three years and never heard any goddamn metal! Then again I was 10 and stuck on an American Air Force base. I will forgive Diabulus In Musica just this once for not having existed then and me not being into anything but NES. BRING ON THE ORCHESTRA!

Diabulus In Musica - Argia

Track 1 - Et Ressurrexit (Libera Me)

Gotta be an intro. Vocal harmonies with symphonic build. It's very folky, which makes me smile like a retard with a box of crayons. LUNCH! Goes even more into folk sound. Drums building. And CHURCH CHOIR! Alright.

Track 2 - From The Embers

Holy fucking thrash! This is pretty good so far. Operatic harmonies over a killer riff. Rolls into a pretty standard symphonic metal verse. Swaps female vocals for growls. Into big chorus. Repeat. I like her voice, and I'm loving the operatic stuff. GROOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!!!!!! BRRRRRRREEEEAAAAAKKKKKDDDOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha I'm digging this.

Well, that's that. I'm sold. Will be jamming this for a while. Again, there's nothing really against formula here, but these guys sit on the heavier side of symphonic metal. And she's got a killer voice. And opera! AND GROWLIES!!! AND BLEAARRRGHHHISHINGIMMABOOOOOLLLLS!

I'm having too much fun with this.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Delain - The Human Contradiction

Female fronted Dutch symphonic metal. Honestly, never heard them before, which is surprising considering my uncontrollable boner for Nightwish a few years back. Gimmie some pretentious stringy goodness!

Delain - The Human Contradiction

Track 1 - Here Come The Vultures

Bells and piano under a solid female vocal, into a pretty goddamn killer riff. She's a very strong mid range alto. So far she hasn't blown it up with crazy high notes, but the song hasn't really called for that. Her voice is solid and fitting for what they're doing. The symphonic stuff is intelligible but not overwhelming. Song ends the same way it started but muted.

Hmmm. Yeah. So that exists. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. If you dig on female fronted symphonic metal then this is right up your alley, but don't expect any mold breaking or box stepping-out-of. I might check out the rest of the album later just to see if she has more range in her voice.
-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Cormorant - Earth Diver

While naming your band after a sea bird may seem ridiculous, it is. But hey, there are worse band names out there. Way worse. I've never heard Cormorant before, but a little research reveals that they are a San Fran progressive metal band, which could explain the bands name. Take it away birds!

Cormorant - Earth Diver (how very hippie of you)

Track 1 - Eris

Looks like a short track for a progressive band at 2:34. I'm going to assume intro. Clean guitar lick buried in effects. Into a Spanish sounding riff and melody. Not hating this. As it keeps going I'm liking it more and more.

Track 2 - Daughter Of Void

Just under 7 minutes. Starts by building sharply on the intro riff. And boom! Old school black metal????? Wait. More like old school Opeth. Orchid old school. Breaks with effects drowned clean vocals. And an old school black metal blast.

Alright, at it's core this is very much early Opeth worship, but it's also layered with several different elements of mid-90s black metal. Most progressive bands would get snotty or pissy when you call them out on their influences (WE'RE OUR OWN THING MAN!), but you can't open your new album with your influences so obviously on your sleeve and not expect people to make the comparison. Having said that, these guys are VERY good at what they do. I really enjoyed both the intro and the track, and have already added it to my Play Music Library. You should do the same.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Brutality Will Prevail - Suspension Of Consciousness

Wow. A name like Brutality Will Prevail leaves little to the imagination. We'll just see about that. The cover has a naked woman crucified upside-down under water by mermaids. That could be great or fucking stupid depending on the content of the album.

Brutality Will Prevail - Suspension Of Consciousness

Track 1 - Delirium

Bleh. Intro track. Building distortion and creepy talkies.

Track 2 - Tower Of Silence

Moderately paced chunky as fuck opening riff. Oh goddammit. Deathcore. Here come the whiney clean vocals. Metalcore? Whatever. Done. Fuck off. It's all yours kids.

I really wanted to like that opening riff too. Brutality most definitely does not prevail.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Anette Olzon - Shine

Alright, so Anette is a former singer for symphonic Finnish metallers Nightwish. I'm a sucker for symphonic metal, and I really liked the two albums that Anette sang on. She brought a more pop-style tone to the band after the operatic Tarja left. I'm interested to see what she does here. Let's get after it.

Anette Olson - Shine

Track 1 - Like A Show Inside My Head

(if I can get Play Music to play the damn thing)

Here we go. Immediate use of a violin makes me happy. The guitar lick is a bit corny. It's a slow droning song, pretty simple melody, drums with too many effects caked on, and layers of vocals. It pretty much sounds like she's trying to capitalize on the Evanescence formula, with isn't overly surprising since that formula has worked so well for female vocalists in hard rock. Honestly, I would've been happier if she'd just stuck with symphonic music and taken out the rock. Her voice is fantastic and I don't expect the remainder of the album will display anything differently. I'll be checking out the rest of this later, if only just to see if she gets creative with her voice. If you want to hear Anette full blast check out Nightwish - Dark Passion Play. The whole thing is great.

-K @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Hatriot - Dawn Of The New Centurian

Well this sounds like this is going to be epic. Or brutal. OR BOTH! YAAAAY!

Hatriot - Dawn Of The New Centurion

Opening track is My Cold Dead Hands. Hehehehe. High hopes.

Starts off with a sample from Charlton Hestons "Cold Dead Hands" NRA speech? I could've seen that coming from the track title, but did not.

After a slow paced guitar intro, it gallops into an old school thrash metal riff that made me smile like an idiot. At first the vocals made me flinch, but they're quickly growing on me.

Pretty solid old-school thrash digs.

I dig it. It's cheesy as fuck, but I dig it.

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Gravehill - Death Curse

Gravehill - Death Curse

First track is an intro called Gates Of Hell.

First real song is Death Curse.

Speed Death. Got an old school feel to it. I really like the throwback feel, but the vocals are bugging the shit out of me.

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Epistasis - Light Through Dead Glass

Epistasis - Light Through Dead Glass

At first this hit me as another modern band trying to recreate the sound of early 90s black metal. In a way it is, but in a way it isn't. Some of the murkiness of the sound is obviously intentional to create the atmosphere they intend, but some of it has to be they just got a poor recording. They like to travel into the higher registers of the guitar too often to not want at least a little sharper sound. Is that brass? Interesting. It fits somehow. This is another one of those things that's really difficult to describe, but worth a listen just to see if it grabs you. I'm going to give this some more time and let it sink in before I determine yes or no for me. A lot of times those end up being the best finds.

GET OUT THE BOX!

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Chevelle - La Gárgola

Chevelle - La Gárgola

First track is Ouija Board.

HEY!!! SOMEBODY DROPPED A CHEVELLE ALBUM OVER HERE!

*walks away*

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Cauldron Black Ram - Stalagmire

Stalagmire? Really?

Cauldron Black Rain - Stalagmire

First track is called Fork Through Pitch.

OK, slow paced death metal ala old Grave. Just go get Graves Soulless instead.

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Buioingola - Dopo L'Apnea

What a name, huh? Let's see what's up.

Buioingola - Dopo L'Apnea

First track is Persevero

DOOOOOOOOOOOOM! Holy fucking balls is this heavy. I don't mean heavy as in "dude, Cannibal Corpse is so heavy." I mean "SOMEBODY HELP ME BEFORE THIS CAUSES MY SPINE TO DISINTEGRATE!" I love doom, but over the last several years there have been so many bands come out trying to copy the style and they have just watered down the genre so much. A real doom band creates an atmosphere of despair and then rapes you with it. My Dying Bride. Swallow The Sun. These bands have perfected the art of creating a crushing atmosphere that hooks you in and makes you want to run into traffic (in the best worst way possible). Buioingola had me within the first 40 seconds. And then the vocals kicked in. This sounds like you're being forced to listen to the soundtrack inside someone's head while they're drowning, and they won't let go of your ankle. Very effectively dragging you down with them. With the first track Buioingola has instantly and unapologetically slammed it's way into my regular rotation.

LOVE THIS!!!

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Big Elf - Into The Maelstrom

Never heard of these guys before. Interesting name. Let's get it.

Big Elf - Into The Maelstrom

First track is Incredible Time Machine. This should be interesting.

What the hell am I listening to? This sounds like "if The Beatles was a metal band". Very weird. Very trippy. Very intriguing. I'm letting this go to track two.

Hypersleep.

OK, what if David Bowie started a metal band? I'm the type of guy that loves "out of the box" shit, and this qualifies. I'll be checking the rest of this out later. It's difficult to describe, but check this out if you like a band that makes you say "What the hell?".

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Austrian Death Machine - Triple Brutal

Ugh. I don't wanna. on to the metals

Austrian Death Machine - Triple Brutal

Look, I appreciate what these guys are doing. I really do. Anytime a band tries to bring a sense of humor to a scene that all too often takes itself waaaaay too seriously, I love it. These guys just have never been my style. Added to the fact that the singer Tim Lambesis (or however the fuck you spell his name) probably used some of the Kick starter funds for the creation of this album to hire a cop to kill his ex-wife and is sitting in jail while this releases on April 1st, is almost just too much ridiculous for the human brain to handle. However, I said I'd do it, so I'm doing it.

First track is an actually pretty funny skit intro with Arnold trying to do a mic check by screaming "NYEH!" into the mic over and over again.

First real song. I'll Be Back

Enter the metalcore. It's not the worst, and Arnie is still trying to check the mic. Arnie intros the song with a building typical metalcore riff rolling along. And boom. Into the groove. I don't actually hate this, but I can see it getting extremely boring in about three tracks. I'll Be Back is short and to the point. It is exactly what these guys have always set out to do.

Like I said, I don't hate it. As far as metalcore goes, it's pretty good. The sense of humor behind it adds a lot. I might have the patience to check out the rest of it later. I may not.

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Review: Alesana - The Decade EP

Here we go. TO THE METALS!

Alesana - The Decade EP

Never heard these guys before.

First track is called Praeludium. Obviously an intro track clocking in at 2:25. Let's see where this goes. Starts off with radio static and a siren. Immediately after the siren starts, some dude starts giving a pretentious speech about "true music" and "true art". The narrator sounds like you went to sixth street in Austin and picked out the most douchy looking hipster you could find and then handed him a script and a microphone. The probability of this being one of the band members speaking makes the probability of this sucking terribly very high.

Once he finally shuts up the guitars come in to an actually decent little riff with building screamy vocals in the background. Breakdown into an old school Blind Guardian style riff? Alright.

Into first real track. Double Or Nothing.

Whiney ass screamo vocals mixed with random death growls? Lost me. Bye. The music itself is way too cookie cutter to make up for the horrible vocals. Although I did like the intro riffs. These guys might have some potential if they'd ditch their whiney ass vocalist, stopped with the wanna be death growls, and just hired a real vocalist.

And this is how these reviews will work.

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

First Track Reviews: An Explanation

Honestly, I've never seen anybody do album reviews like this. If someone has, I'm not trying to rip them off. This is exactly what I do every Tuesday. I'm very picky about what I like and what I don't, but I also love to find new stuff. Every Tuesday I will sit down with a list of the weeks releases and hit Google Play Music. If I've never heard the band before, or it's a band I'm familiar with but never particularly been into, I will listen to the first track. That's it. You got one shot to pull me in. If I'm indifferent to or despise the first track of your album, I'm moving on. So this is exactly how I'm going to review them. Short intro tracks will of course get a pass. I'm interested in the first real offering. If I find something I like, I will pull it into a full review.

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

Changes to the podcast explained and upcoming weekend schedule

So with the relaunch of the podcast I'm sure you've noticed a few things have changed already.  Neither of us yet have had a chance to sit down and explain all of it yet because some of it has been getting finalized as we go.

First off the name has obviously change from The Failed Social Experiment to Two Jerks Talk About. The new name is less of a head scratcher and makes more sense.  Plus it was nice to have a fresh start honestly for all that creative direction shit.

The format of the content is stating the same but the organization is different.  This is still a balls out any topic vocal shitfest.  We won't limit ourselves to just one subject and dry hump it like a dead horse.  The structure per show will change.  We're no longer doing an hour to two hour free-for-all in each episode and switching topics and themes like crazy.  It got too confusing and too damn frustrating.  From now on each show recorded will be subject specific (sports, tech, ranting, entertainment) and will be available to download as such.  This should help us keep things on track more than we managed previously.  We're also not doing a hard date of one day per week to record it all.  Ideally we still want to keep Saturdays as a standard recording day for whatever comes up, but we'll also have the flexibility to run shows anytime during the week that we choose to.  All episodes will still be posted on the site for download as soon as we finish recording and do some editing to clean up.

This should also work as a convenience to many listeners who don't have a particular interest in specific topics and won't be forced into listening to a whole show which may not appeal to them.

As always, everything stays free for the content.  We have been looking at available options to help with offsetting costs on our end seeing as we fund it all out of pocket.  Let's be honest, costs for hosting, bandwidth, recording equipment and all that other shit can add up and we don't have sponsors or any of that awesome shit to back us financially.  The last thing we plan to do is to force money from anyone.  So we're looking at various options like a limited amount of advertising services or possibly even a donation thing if anyone is feeling so inclined.  As we work out more on that we'll update everyone.

Again we plan on starting to record this weekend for the relaunch.  Content is getting hammered out now between us to use.  This weekend is also Wrestlemania so we're planing on live tweeting that one as it goes.  Good times!

I think that's enough rambling for now.  If any has a question feel free to hit us up via email or Twitter with the buttons over there and up there.

Review: Steel Panther - All You Can Eat

Welcome to my first official review. I'm a dick who hates 90% of everything I hear. If you disagree with a review, be sure to let me know so that I can personally make sure you won't want to contact me again. METAL TIME!

Steel Panther - All You Can Eat

This weeks full review was a no brainer for me. I absolutely love this band. I love everything they have done.

Having said that........this is no different. Once All You Can Eat slaps it's giant 5 inch cock against your face it never stops.

Before you partake in the glory of Steel Panther, there are a few things that you need to understand. First, these guys ARE 80s hair metal. They are not a parody or a tribute. They all came up in or around the 80s hair metal scene. Their humorous lyrical content and sort of "out of place in time" presence in the music scene has led them to be shackled with these titles. This, in my personal opinion, could not be any further from the truth. I will never deny that the titles of "parody" or "tribute" have probably allowed them far more mainstream success, especially with younger listeners, than they would have experienced if people truly believed that they were completely serious, but this is more than likely what we would be listening to if hair metal had never died. This is less a case of a bunch of guys sitting around and saying "Let's start an 80s hair band. Haha! That would be hilarious!" than it is of a bunch of 80s hair metal guys sitting around and saying "Let's write all the shit we probably never would've gotten away with back then, go even further, and then shove it in everyone's faces." Listen to it. Ignore the lyrical content if you can and listen to the song structures, the vocals, the riffs, the drumming. It is perfectly 80s. These fellas are more 80s fucking hair metal than a desperately clinging to spotlight Motley Crue has been in 20 years.

Second, if you were born past, ehhhhh I'll say 1985 or 86, then Steel Panther will never be anything more than ironic parody to you. By the time you were old enough to really get into any music, grunge and alternative had already brutally murdered the hair metal scene. Your parents or older siblings might have listened to it and you might still like it, but it's not a memory. It's an abstract idea based on material that's still available. For those of us that really remember the giant hairsprayed hair, the mascara, the neon spandex, the excessive alcohol consumption, and the women who copied that gloriously alpha male look, Steel Panther is not a parody. It's an over the top throwback with perfect execution from a group of guys that were there. It drags us back to slap bands, popples, and a big fat falsetto YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Off topic but on topic (get used to it), I find it hilarious when a 16 year old tells me their favorite band is Nirvana and tries to explain to me why. That's great and all, but don't talk to me about it like you were fucking there. I know all about it. I was there. Nirvana sucked. (All emails should be directed up your own anus until you feel it hit the first curve of your large intestine)

Ha! I still haven't actually talked about the album yet. All You Can Eat is another Steel Panther album. That's it. There's no experimentation here. No stepping outside the box. Just "There was so much love on your face, I couldn't see the tears." If you know Steel Panther and love them, go grab it. If you know Steel Panther and either hate or are indifferent, move on. For those who are unfamiliar with Steel Panther, have ever liked any form of metal, and have an extremely wide sense of humor, then you should definitely check out All You Can Eat.

I'll be jamming this for a while. DEATH TO ALL BUT METAL!

-Kevin @MrBrutal666

Hmmmm....Your mom's head looks like a bread roll.

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